all I need today

All I need today is a journey into the magic land
I don't need any potion, I don't even need wine
I won't look at you, I won't touch your hand
I'm learning that the world of miracle is mine

If it was me that dreamt away
And made you king in my own kingdom
Forgive me for creating a new bay
I was just bored with red martyrdom

Will you feel lonely or in sorrow?
I will not know in my own world
There is no empathic tomorrow
You banished it, lives in me curled

There was a time when all my senses
Were waiting for your sign my hun
But one good thing about all tenses :
They change, and I've learned how to run

Refined

He wanted to become a peace of silk, with caressing rustle. To flow like a slow river on her skin, and envelop her in sweet completion. On his skin, arabesques appeared, premeditated and long rested into unconsciousness afterwards. They only light up and show their intricate design when she talked to him.
What is he to do with all the recipes to please her that he's learned, with his big book of enchants left by the river?
Beauty survives love, although it can grow from it, with not much other individual purpose.
And in that morning, when she's seen him, a year after being apart, when she knew with cold cruelty that he was not belonging to her anymore, but to some distant star, she told him: you have hurt me. It is wrong of you to still be so beautiful whitout me.

Green

I know I am a vibrant shade of green, and if I would describe a leaf, I would probably describe myself. I am intimately knowledgeable of when my light pulsates, and becomes angry pulsating red. I know how to caress my own skin, ask myself what would really make me happy, and listen in silence as some usually outrageous answer happens.
My peace and silence comes from strong negotiation habits, from always paying attention to when unhappiness arises, and deciding if I can really trust myself with things or not.
I try to be worthy of my own exigences, and appease the child inside, asking for candy, without giving him too many things that would rot his teeth.
My silence is not the silence of sleeping, its just deep approval of the way I am weaving my way for myself.
I made peace with my demon, and we are one. I am not whipping myself anymore, we exist in harmony. We just tolerate each other.

There

I need to be there today
There
At the border
between myself and shadow
There were the waves of chaos caress the rocks of will

I need to lay there on my own
feet underwater
Belonging to both worlds
Abandon myself
feel
The call of depths

From darkness
from deeper than the sea, whithin myself
I hear the calling

It might confuse you slightly
That at this place of my birth, I can listen
to angels voices
That are not just Good
but beyond anything you know

My prey for silence goes unlistened
And today my shadow
Is gaining power over me
And soon I will release it
To feed upon the depths of senses.

I feel its touch
Short innuedo of its power
And then it's gone.

With shivers on my skin
It starts to rise inside me
As it does whenever
It feels that I might kill it with my will

There, on my shore
I know the time to feed is coming
And with increased excitement wait the sunset
To bring my night to me.

There is not outward change
I don't grow teeth or claws
But what takes over
Is an angelic beast of power

It looks like me
with soul of living silver,
moves frigthfully fast and fearless and there is
No cross to scare it
as the beast
has been a servant of the cross itself
A worthy and devoted charismatic priestess

There's only me, the shadow
And the wind inside
Blowing gently away
The values of my daylight

never forget

I will never forget
The sweet surroundings of my childhood
All the books I wasn't allowed to read

I will not picture for you
All the unknown flavours that live inside me

Still, when you smell me
you might feel you could touch them
that mysterious air of something else in me
something you barely touch and eludes you

Most things I never forget
And never speak about
Will always be my evasion from you

It's so hard to take the freedom
Of living fully free next to someone else.

I will take it with you
And if it will destroy us
I won't hang on to you
I am only learning how to do this
And its a painful exercise
Maybe you should teach me, you who know best
How to leave and forget
How to live and not think of the other.

Morning shadow

On this path of mine
Blessed with many meanings,
In the morning's shadow
I still smile at you.

You are not here anymore.

My road lost you
I needed to let go long time ago.
The time for which I kept you
Still bares minute resemblance
To some gentle madness.

Same gentle madness
That made me love before
To the point of losing myself.

I did miss me....

And I had, after years, to retract all that I said
And go back and be the one I was born to be

No, you can't follow me here.

It wasn't in my palm lines to take you with me
And to accept to work against my destiny again
Will mean the last act of self-destruction

I loved you beyond heaven and hell
And still do
It's just time to accept that you couldn't live my life
And I couldn't live yours.

My love for you still lives,
Undisturbed, conquering, comprehending
And I have the feeling that my strong love for you
Will always be there
From thousands of miles.

I got myself in this love
All confident
That I will solve our problems somehow
If only I will change,
If only you will change

There is no room for us today
Except for our love flying towards each other.

And I committed the crime of letting go
As you committed the one of never seeing a problem between us.

I don't know if I will ever forgive myself for letting go of you
I know you will be well.....
But still.... there is some unsaid thing that lingers between us.
All the things we've been, and all the things we couldn't be.

After so much time, I think
I might be able to live without you
To be myself, to search for my destiny

And strange enough, being myself
Feels better, than all the things I ever had.

In the light of my new life
In the shadow of my lasting love
I don't know what man might compete and stand in my house

Still, I've learned so many things, even when my love for you
Put me on the pit of being hurt.

I've learned they are so many things beyond love
I've learned there is always the laughter of children
And the compassion and dignity for old people
I've learned they are always the mysteries of science
The smile on God's face, when you find meaning
and the beautiful words, which one can use to paint.

I've learned that I can be
The anxious bee, searching for its perfect flower,
and the peaceful flower, which demands the sun to look her way.

I've learned that I'm not that important
except for myself
That you can live without me
but I can't live without my love for you.

How lucky I am to have you somewhere smiling in my life.

when he still wants something

I looked for a meaning for you so much that I forgot my life has to have one as well. For the first time, I am lost in short-term, after living for so long with long-term goals.
And you, after all my effort, after all those years, after telling me that you don't want me anymore, you decided to tell me today that you've been nice and good and that you should have me back.
What do you want from me? I've given you the blood of my soul, even when I barely had one.
I have to fight for myself today, and you want me to still dream of you. I don't remember the last time when you asked me what is happening in my head, or when you really waited to listen. I don't remember the last time when you made a phone call. It is still me checking up on you, seeing that you are fine. And even now I find it hard to understand, to tolerate, to chew. My own stupidity of hanging up then with you.
Have you ever seen me, or understood how scared I was, or tried to make it better except by putting your arms around me? I don't care to waste anybody's time, and I don't want anybody to waste mine. And my energy.... I will give it to you when I can, I will help, I will call.
But don't dare to lay any claims on my future, when in the past, you failed to create one, and kept adding weights to my present.
Yes, you were there, by my side. But you weren't the most chatty and problem-solving of all people. You were the warm coat in a world I didn't knew how to deal with, but you didn't knew much more yourself.
Today just forget about us, forget about hiding in my presence. Build yourself a future, build yourself a self, and understand were you are.
For today, I can't offer you a meaning, and I can't promise anything to you.....