Our life is continuously constructed by what we choose to dampen and what we choose to emphasize in what we see and feel.
Some people choose to dampen the world and their senses, and to emphasize love.
Choosing to emphasize something doesn’t make that thing perfect. It just gears our attention towards it. And it loads expectations onto that thing.
If you choose to abandon yourself to something, abandon yourself to life – don’t dampen your senses – at least it will be realistic.
Abandon yourself to whom you are – at least it will be anchored in authenticity.
Don’t run after simpler solutions before you got to see the world – your synthesis will be inherently biased, and then even if you get to see the world you will see it through that biased lens.
We all have biased lenses anyway – they are biased by whom we are. But that is ok, because we cannot escape whom we are, we can just keep becoming (which we do anyway, if we pay any attention to stuff and process our interactions with the world and ourselves).
To bias ourselves to romantic love though – which much of the media seems to emphasize, is to let ourselves and the world go in favor of building an illusion, a delusion at that.
It can close us to all the ways in which love can come to our life, it can make us obsessed with people that have hinted at being possible “saviors” – romantic partners that have maybe similar views in life and love.
It closes us to the diversity of feeling, and to the diversity of people around us.
There is nothing wrong with not being in love at the moment. One can be in love with life. Or one can be in love with living and being themselves. Or one can simply be a bit more neutral in feeling – less intense feelings can make the mind deeper, the observation sharper.
So don’t think you are missing out if you are “not opening yourself up to romantic love” by not being constantly obsessed to it.
Romantic love does happen sometimes, but is not the sole reason for human existence. (guys normally get this better than gals)
Understand that there is nobody out there that can really save you, that they are only people that can give you a hand. And people to whom you will give a hand. And that, in and by itself, is beautiful. Let yourself experience it without burdening it with preconceptions on what romantic love should be, how it should look like.
Let yourself live a true existence.
And do that one, scary thing, that is the beginning of a marvelous life.
Look into yourself.
It might be frightening at first, so do it gently.
All the things you will see are for your eyes only. The ultimate complicity with yourself is for yourself to achieve, not for someone else.
You will bring parts of yourself out at various times, you will make them thrive, you will show them to people, you will make them grow rich objects in the world that people can interact with. You will bounce them into other people and something new and completely unthought-of of will emerge.
But for that to emerge, you have to be yourself. You have to be the one that looks inwards, that puts the lights on. That negotiates their passage through the world, that sets the journey into motion every day, not a passive bored traveler that expects some road companion to engage him/her or take him to the next place.
Failing all above, find yourself someone that can do this. But don’t call it love. It isn’t. It’s just their own lust for life. And don’t expect them to make you travel to the places which only you can dream of. The matrix of someone else’s dream can be fascinating. It’s not love though from your part, it’s abandonment - which is fine by itself, just don't expect it to write your own story or always reflect whom you are.
